Special Needs Diary #7 – Going On Holiday

Dear Diary,

I am writing this just four days after our big family holiday, but you most likely won’t be reading it until a few weeks later. Holidays are always something I really get anxious about with P1. As she’s getting older she is becoming more aware of her surroundings, she has preferences and can get rather emotional and hard to cope with when those things change. Even in the slightest.

I have to mentally prepare P1 before any day out or holiday. I have to explain various things, let her know the day and give her a countdown. If I don’t then things are likely to be destroyed by P1s emotions and we’ve learnt that the hard way. We basically cannot give P1 a surprise trip or holiday. Ever!

With P1 not dealing well with changes, we start to see her behaviour slip and hyperness to a real extreme flood in when we begin to pack. It stresses us all out as I battle with P1 whilst trying to pack our lives into a suitcase for a week. I find myself at my wits end before our holiday has even begun. It upsets me, but that’s just the way things are every time we pack for a holiday.

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We’ve not really been on a long holiday with P1 since she’s been showing strong signs of autism. We’ve endured weekend breaks where her behaviour is unbearable as she struggles to adjust to something that is over in no time at all. She can literally be bouncing off the wall through her body movements and her speaking continuously. It’s draining.

I had better hopes for a week long holiday though. In my mind she would have a couple of days of craziness before settling down for the rest of the week. Thankfully P1 coped so well on our Isle of Wight holiday. Apart from a few episodes of panic attack whilst in a more busy location, P1 was the better behaved of the three. I can’t blame her for her emotions at the end of our busy days and she actually went to bed with no issues except one night.

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However, since returning home she has been a nightmare. Like I said it’s only day four of us being back but it’s been terrible. I feel like she has bottled all her anxiety and sensory issues and is emptying that bottle all at once for us. She is beyond normal at the moment and I’m really concerned! She has been lashing out at her sisters, talking non stop with no pause for breath, deliberately ignoring requests, repeating herself continuously and for some strange reason she is demanding food constantly too.

I knew we would be expecting something as she adjusted to being back home but I really wasn’t anticipating it to be this draining. As I write this my MiL has taken P1 and P2 off for some fun in a soft play centre and I am hoping this will wear P1 out a little bit. But the reality of it is, she can’t physically switch her brain off from whatever she is struggling with inside.

I hate seeing her this way because I don’t understand her or how I can help her with these adjustments because holidays are a part of our lives and something I want her to treasure.

From a drained Mummy x

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  1. So sorry to hear this hun. It must be exhausting and worrying for you but sending love. Fingers crossed it all settles soon x

  2. Hugs lovely, it’s not easy is it. I’ve noticed when Logan gets anxious he starts asking all manner of questions some which are just really silly. It’s a way of him coping I guess. I hope P1 has settled a bit more now for you all xx

  3. So sorry to hear you’re having a tough time, hope she settles soon and you have the best support around you xxx

  4. Oh bless you my darling, I can’t imagine how challenging it can be for you sometimes but you are being the best mama ever for your beautiful girl. Hope she settles soon, bless her x

  5. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I hope that you are getting the support needed though. xx

  6. I’m sorry to hear. I hope you have a support network though.

  7. I am stuggling at the moment with my oldest daughter, she to is really hyper.. I no deep down something is isnt right but im not sure what the signs of autism are? I heard its really different in girls.. When i read your autism diary it dose seem like i am reading about my own daughter. What was your red flags with her x

    • I suppose my red flags were eye contact, being unaware of her surroundings, obsessions with things, getting extremely emotional or naughty about clothing or changes in routine. Have a look on the national autistic society website. That’s been a huge help for me.

  8. Oh lovely, i have absolutely no experience of autism so can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through or how hard it must be. Really hope that P1 settles again soon x

  9. I am sorry to hear that it is so draining for you all. Keeping everything crossed that is improves.

  10. Sounds like you had a great holiday and how wonderful that she coped so well. Sorry she has been draining since you have been back, hope she settles soon x

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