My OH has gone to London today, P1 has gone to my grandparents house and I’m at home with P2. Massaging my lumpy boob and watching P2 play with the label on our dinner tray.
It’s been 48 hours since I last fed my girl by boobie. I was absolutely fine about it, until now, where I have time to sit and just think. It’s suddenly hit me that that will most likely be the very last time I ever breastfed. The very last time I’ll ever feel this close and this bonded to my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always have a bond and be close but not the way breastfeeding connects us.
Now I’m in tears. I know this isn’t my fault, P2 is just developing and too interested in the world around her to sit and concentrate on my boobies. She chose to stop, not me. But I’ve chose to stop night feeds so that I can feel like me again. How selfish is that?!
I know she’s fine with no boobie. Really fine actually. I’m fine too! I was honestly happy about all this. I still am. Just a little upset that I’ll never feed my girl in the same way again. I have regret and anger that I never got enough help with P1 to feed her by boobie.
It’s the end of an era and a beginning of the next chapter. I better wipe the tears and get on with housework…
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