The Death Of My Nan 3rd September 2013

Hi Nan,

I briefly saw you this morning, I say this morning but now it’s actually yesterday, we joked about how it was half past nine in the morning and you were still in bed. I told you how P1 had got on going into school. Then I left. I didn’t kiss you goodbye like I have been recently as I was in a rush.

That was the last time I saw you. Nan you passed away this afternoon in quite a peaceful manner it seems. You were on your usual dialysis machine and most likely snoozing when you had another heart attack. Grandad was busy trying to sort the bathroom out for you as he’s installing a whole new suite and putting in a shower to make things easier for you. He only knew that something was wrong with you because the machine alarmed. That’s why I’m pretty sure, and hope, that you were asleep when this happened.

We’d just got home from A&E with P1 when I received the call to get up the hospital straight away. P1 had an accident during her first day at school, it’s typical isn’t it?! She’s cut her tongue wide open. This evening she’s really in pain but I’m sure she’ll be fine in a few days.

Unfortunately, the air med, ambulance and paramedic couldn’t get you to come back to us and up the hospital. You passed away in your own home just like you’d have wanted to with Grandad there. We all went to your house, me and OH, the girls, my mum, my stepdad, Auntie and her husband.

They all had alone time with you. I’m sorry Nan but I just couldn’t face seeing you like that, I wanted to remember you as I saw you this morning and as my little family saw you yesterday. That’s the last time the girls will see you and OH.

P1 doesn’t understand what’s happened, she knows you are with God now but it hasn’t quite hit her or sunk in. She’s too preoccupied with her very painful mouth. P2 will never remember you and that’s sad. I’ll always tell her who you were though, I promise!

Thank you Nan. For absolutely everything you’ve done for me. All the holidays as a child when you were suffering so badly with kidney disease/failure, all the heart to heart chats we’ve had over the past 20years, all the cuddles and all the support. I’m not sure how we’ll all cope without you around but I take comfort in the fact you are now out of pain and you don’t have to struggle each morning anymore.

I really wish that you’d be able to see me in my wedding dress, the dress you bought for me, that was my biggest wish for this year. It will never come true! I love you so much and have no words to how I’m feeling. I miss you Nanny!!

Lots and lots and lots of love, Jodie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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20130904-124052 AM.jpgI realise now that I didn’t take enough photos of you!

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  1. Beautiful photos of your nan and a lovely, albeit heart- breaking tribute to her. Your love shines through so much in this post and I am sure you have lots of wonderful memories to treasure. I lost my dad a few years ago and whilst I was there at the moment he passed away, I said my goodbyes very quickly and didn’t go to visit him in the chapel of rest. Part of me felt slightly guilty as all my siblings went but to me, it wasn’t my dad anymore – his spirit was elsewhere and I wanted to hold on to happier memories. So sorry for the loss of your nan, she sounds like she was a lovely lady x

    • lifewithpinkprincesses

      It’s coming up to a year and I’m trying my best not to be upset. She wouldn’t have wanted that. I miss her so very much.

  2. My grandmother died earlier this year and even when you know it is on the horizon you are not really prepared for the event. She had dementia and the way I dealt with it was to be grateful for the fact that she died before any real physical suffering and before she lost the essence of herself to the disease.

    I also chose not to see my grandmother’s body, choosing instead for my last memory to be of her full of smiles and personality. I know she would have understood and I’m sure yours would have too.

    The photos you have look to me to be of a strong woman who enjoyed the her family and was at peace with the inevitable. You don’t need photos, she is in your heart always.

    • lifewithpinkprincesses

      Thank you for your comment.

      I hoped to have photos to show the girls who won’t have memories like mine.

      I miss her terribly 🙁

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