The Dummy-Sucking-Sock-Munching-Lid-Wearing Monster

Somewhere, hiding away in a dark corner of my tiny little house lurks The Dummy-Sucking-Sock-Munching-Lid-Wearing Monster. As a Mum of three I’ve had plenty of experience. There’s three things I’ve found about parenting that are unavoidable. I blame the The Dummy-Sucking-Sock-Munching-Lid-Wearing Monster. It has to be!

Right let’s tackle the dummy situation first. The amount of money we must have spent on soothers in the past six years must be astonishing. They bring out new designs, new features and you sort of feel inclined to buy them. Ooo that one would look fabulous with the dress we bought the other week. All three of my daughters had/have soothers. Currently my household stocks 0-6month soothers and the biggest (maybe 12-18month?!) soothers. We must have something like 10+ different designs for P2 and certainly 6 for P3. But why is there never a dummy available when you need it?! Sometimes we’ll start the day with 3 baby dummies and 4 for P2. By the end of the day we have 1 for P3 and if we’re very lucky 1 for P2. I do half blame P2, however, when we ask her to find one she does tend to go straight to it. I’ve looked under the sofa, in the car, in the changing bag, every room of the house, in toy boxes. Yet I can never find the full amount of dummies we must have.


Secondly, socks, I can see everyone’s heads nodding ferociously at your screens. You know exactly what I’m about to say. Odd socks. How? Why? Where? Seriously!! I take off my matching pair of socks. I place them in the laundry basket together, ok they aren’t rolled together like they were when I put them on, but they are certainly touching. I can see them both go into the washing machine. Clear as day. A few hours later, once they’ve had their bath and blow dry I’m ready to pair them back together. Stop any separation anxiety they may be feeling. I’ve got one. I’ve folded the rest of the washing. Where’s the other one? Nope. Not in the tumble dryer or caught in the rim of the washing machine. So where the heck is it? Every time. I have so so so many odd socks awaiting his/her partner to return. I have baby socks, toddler socks, child socks, my fluffy ones and hubby’s classic black. It’s been weeks, several loads of washing and still no sign.


Deep breath, lastly, lids. Baby bottle lids. They don’t have legs. They aren’t on wheels. They’re certainly not invisible or easily shoved under a sofa. Are they? Well apparently in my house they are. Every single bottle had a lid once upon a time. About 2 of P2s bottles currently wear lids. I’m battling hard to keep an eye on P3s pesky lids. I literally have no explanation for this one. It baffles me. It frustrates me. 9 times out of 10 I’ll put the lid back on the bottle when it’s done to prevent lithe dribbles of milk. So how do they run away??


So Mr Dummy-Sucking-Sock-Munching-Lid-Wearing Monster I’d like an apology for stealing my children’s items and confusing the heck out of me on a daily basis. I’m happy to provide you with food and drink and a shelter which surely is much more satisfying than socks, dummies and lids!!!!

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  1. It’s older cousin lives here – it steals pens, change and socks.

    Lizzie Dripping

  2. I do like this I found it very amuzing. I know exactly the monster is think I have its sibling in my house

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