I’ve had a touch of writers block today. Behind the scenes there’s a lot going on and a lot I need to post but my inspiration for words hasn’t been there… Until dinner time came and a certain little madam decided to spark a conversation like no other.
Since the death of my Nan I’ve lost a lot of faith in my christian life. It’s been tough; I hate God for causing me so much pain but I love him because he’s taken that pain away from my Nan. P1 hasn’t really spoken or asked many questions about my Nan until today.
We were faced with:
“Where is Nanny?”
“If she’s in heaven does that mean God is with her?”
“Is Nanny invisible?”
“When will Great-Nanny come back from heaven?”
“Will we go to heaven?”
They are just a few of the questions asked tonight. We had a pretty in depth conversation about death and heaven obviously sensored to a 5year old version of life. She looked terribly worried. She then went on to ask me to tell her about all the things she did with her Great-Nanny. It was a real struggle to keep my happy smiley face on and fight back the tears.
I miss her dreadfully and for the first real time in four months P1 showed signs of missing her too. I want her to always remember her Great-Nan, forever, and I’m going to do my best to keep those memories alive.
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