Why Do You Ask These Things?

It’s hard to answer questions you don’t have the answers to. Last time we had this conversation I was pregnant, and I’d cried so much that I’d made myself physically sick.

How do you answer a four year olds question to why see doesn’t see her biological father?! If I know where they live why can’t I speak to them?! You can’t. I hate lying to her. I hate watching her face droop as I explain a child friendly version of events.

Daddy has been naughty to Mummy but when he is nice you can see him again. Is the plain, simple, repeated answer I give my intelligent daughter. Is that wrong to say that? I don’t want to lie to her, tell her that her “old” Dad (her words not mine) is something he isn’t. My Mum didn’t lie to me about my Dad, for as long as I remember I’ve known the truth, my mums side of the story. I wanted to do the same for P1.

At the start, P1 would talk about her real Dad all the time, but now she hardly ever speaks about it. Once every 6months if that! We tend to avoid names when speaking about him when she is in the room but yesterday at the hospital appointment they asked about him, his name, his height and his age.

She looked occupied but she clearly wasn’t. It sparked questions in the car that my OH had to answer. We’ll always let her talk. After all, it isn’t her fault that he’s the way he is! She’s the one who suffers and still has faint memories of apparent fun times.

How do you/would you answer your child’s awkward questions about an absent parent?!

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